Seven

where is my life going?

2009-11-25T22:43:37Z

Evony is far, far too addictive.

drunk pernfic wooh!

2009-11-22T02:41:05Z

This is drunk!fic. plz to be forgiving bad spelling + grammar. Will correct when sober. Also, not sure if this makes sense. May well delete later.

There was something deeply wrong about the world, Iruka thought, when your dragon was the devil on your shoulder. From what he understood from other riders, their dragons were restraining voices when they were drunk, preventing them from doing anything too stupid – stripping naked in front of the weyrwoman, for example, was typically right out.

Iruka’s Arath, by contrast, was an awful restraining voice.

Genma looks good tonight, she said, voice sly in his mind.

Iruka blinked, once, then twice. She was right, he thought in a fuzzy sort of manner – Genma did look particularly good, all long blond hair and vicious good humour, throwing his head back in a laugh that made Iruka’s breath catch in his throat.

Good enough to kiss, Arath prompted. Iruka nodded dumbly, and then caught himself. Kiss Genma? That was a bad idea; he knew that on some instinctive level that pervaded through the drunken haze infecting his mind. Kissing Genma was the equivalent to fucking up a decent friendship by whipping out your cock at an inopportune moment; a bad move that would have long term consequences that you probably wouldn’t enjoy.

Genma wouldn’t turn you away, Arath said, her voice a pleasant mixture between amusement and absolute confidence. He’s waiting for you to make a move – you’re just too shy to do it.

“I’m not shy!” Iruka protested aloud, ignoring the odd looks directed at him by the ‘riders surrounding him. Shy made him sound... like some holder woman, all shy and coy and proper, and damnit, even if he rode a green, he still had a dick.

Even a green? Arath said, her voice hurt, and Iruka winced.

“Not what I meant,” he muttered. “Arath, you know that, so don’t try-”

“Iruka?” Genma questioned, and Iruka blinked as Genma seemed to appear in front of him, a rough halo of movement surrounding his body.

“Genma,” he said, and then shook his head briefly. “It’s Arath, I didn’t mean to imply that she was only a green, but she took it that way and-”

And it was rude of you, Arath sniffed, and Iruka sighed.

“Yeah, okay, it was rude of me. But you shouldn’t have called me shy!” he said, forgetting Genma’s presence for a moment. “Just because I’m not... y’know, attaching myself to someone’s lips doesn’t make me a woman!”

There was a small part of Iruka withering inside as he continued talking, wondering precisely what Genma was thinking of him – he noticed the small smile playing across the brownrider’s lips, but wasn’t really sober enough to interpret it; friendly amusement, condescension, sympathy, what?

“Arath being difficult?” he asked, and Iruka raised one shoulder in a shrug, trying to play it cool. He had a nasty suspicion that he failed entirely.

“Yeah. Aren’t dragons supposed to be a sobering influence?” he said, half-smiling in an awkward manner. He tried to step forward and move his hands in a gesturing manner, but was quickly forced to lean against a wall to prevent himself from tripping over his own feet.

“Oops,” he said, blinking rapidly and with the vague feeling that he should be embarrassed.

Genma laughed. “I think you’ve probably had enough,” he said, reaching out with a hand to steady Iruka. Iruka leant against Genma, just lightly, relishing his touch and trying not to show it.

“Probably,” he agreed. “It’s just, Arath’s been trying to get me to kiss you, and-” He paused. “I shouldn’t have said that, should I?”

“She’s been trying to get you to kiss me?” Genma asked, looking far too interested. “Why?”

“Well, for a starter, you’re really attractive,” Iruka said, trying to stop the words flowing from his mouth, but entirely incapable of it. Genma grinned, and Iruka felt his stomach quiver slightly at the sight. He was not a girl, he reminded himself firmly. Quivering was strictly forbidden.

Give it a rest, Arath advised. You want him. Go for it.

“Just because I want him, doesn’t mean that I should – oh fuck.” Iruka closed his eyes, swaying slightly in mortification. “Can we pretend I didn’t say that?”

“I think that would be a bad idea,” Genma said, moving in slightly. “Just because you want me doesn’t mean that you should – what?” There was a slight predatory sway to his movement that drew Iruka’s eyes inexorably, and he shivered, unable to help himself.

“Genma,” he said slowly, fixing his eyes on the brownrider’s lips. “Are you-?”

Genma smiled, and leant in closer. “Probably,” he whispered, breath lapping against Iruka’s mouth. “Are you objecting?”

Iruka shook his head numbly, and Genma laughed, soft huffs that felt like pressure against his lips.

Told you so, Arath said smugly, and Iruka had nothing to say to that.

RAGE

2009-11-06T01:42:14Z

ARGH I HATE CYCLISTS WHAT THE FUCK, NO SERIOUSLY.

Okay. There is a perfectly good cycle path not half a metre from the pavement. It is on the road. It is put there so you cycle in it.

YOU DO NOT FUCKING IGNORE IT, CYCLE ON THE PAVEMENT AND THEN SHOUT SWEARWORDS AT THE PEDESTRIANS WHO AREN'T MOVING OUT OF YOUR WAY.

Rage.

This is what happens when you are a pedestrian in Oxford.

Two Steps Back

2009-11-04T00:17:52Z

Why won't fic just write itself? -whines-

2200 words and the only bit I actually like about it is the ending line. (Cliffhangers FTW!)

Rule 68

2009-10-22T21:42:03Z

Team Nineteen: Rule 68
Warnings: one instance of swearing, mild, mild implication of one-sided slash

Rule 68. The Mizukage does not want to make you his sex-slaves. Couldn't you come up with a more realistic reason for not wanting to be sent on the escort mission to Mist? ~~Ibiki, you should teach your team to lie better~~ .

--------------------

“Just a minor issue about your mission,” Sandaime said, not raising his head from scanning paperwork. Ibiki shifted uncomfortably, wondering which one of his students was at fault now.

“Sandaime-sama?” he questioned, not allowing the wary anticipation to slip into his voice.

Sandaime hummed, and passed Ibiki what appeared to be a hurriedly scrawled letter. “Apparently one of your students is afraid of-“ there was a pause, as if he were trying to think of a precise phrase to use, “the sexual proclivities of the Mizukage.”

Ibiki blinked, and looked down at the letter. He read it. He blinked again.

“Iruka,” he started, exasperation in his voice.

“I’m serious,” Iruka interrupted quickly, his eyes wild with desperation. “Ibiki-sensei, I’m not going back there. Ever.”

Ibiki sighed through his nose and tried again. “Iruka, the Mizukage does not want to have sex with you. He’s good-looking, he’s a powerful ninja and I’m sure he’s fully capable of finding partners without having to resort to buying sex-slaves – or kidnapping them – from foreign nations.”

“He’s a paedophile!”

“Actually, you’re fifteen so it’s technically ephebophilia,” Kotetsu said cheerfully. “Paedophilia is the attraction to children, whereas ephebophilia is the sexual preference for mid-to-late adolescents, typically fourteen through to nine-“ He trailed off at the varying looks of incredulity being directed at him. “What?” he said defensively. “It was mentioned in Icha Icha and I was curious, okay?”

“I’m sure Jiraiya-sama will be pleased that he’s contributed to the education of today’s youth,” Ibiki said blandly. “Nevertheless, we return to the issue. What makes you think the Mizukage wants to-“ he paused, and looked down at the highlighted letter of protest Iruka had submitted, “’lock you up in his creepy bedroom that looks weirdly like one of the Uchiha police holding cells, but, like, on a massive scale, and ravish you daily’.”

“Okay,” Iruka said. “It was like this-”

-------

They’ve handed the message over to the Mizukage and are standing there, all awkward and stuff – well, the genin of the team are anyway, Ibiki-sensei just looks kinda constipated, but that’s nothing new. Iruka off-handedly thinks that the Mizukage’s pretty decent looking – weird blond hair, sure, but it sort of reminds Iruka of Yondaime-sama in way that’s totally not similar at all. (This is, he’d like to point out, before he realised what a fucking creepoid the Mizukage is).

“I’ll have a response to send back in a few minutes,” the Mizukage says mildly. “If you leave one of your genin behind you can go and get your accommodation set up for the night.”

Ibiki-sensei looks uncomfortable at being separated from any of his team, which Iruka thinks is weirdly sweet in an Ibiki kind of way (er, not sweet. Manly equivalent of sweet! Because they are a manly team! …And yeah, they gave up on that when Kotetsu ran through the streets in his sister’s clothing for the fifth time in one month.) “That’s gracious of you Mizukage-sama, but-“

“It is, isn’t it?” the Mizukage says with a smile. “…Umino-kun, is it? You may stay behind. Hideki, please escort Morino-san and the rest of his team to their accommodation.”

-Er. Iruka shifts, sending a desperate look at Ibiki-sensei. Ibiki-sensei responds with a glare telling him ‘not to fuck up’ which Iruka thinks loses him any points he might have gained earlier. They leave, and Iruka manages not to run after them, begging them to sacrifice Izumo instead.

“They’re gone now,” the Mizukage says, and Irtuka looks at him to see a really weird smile on his face. Like, on creepy level it’s somewhere between Gai and that freakoid Orochimaru when he was still around.

“Um. I know?” he offers, feeling quite proud of his diplomatic skills, then remembers to add on a belated, “Mizukage-sama.”

“Oh, that’s not necessary,” the Mizukage says, waving the title away. “My name’s Daisuke.”

“Er,” Iruka says, fairly sure he shouldn’t be calling a foreign kage by his name.

“So, Iruka-kun – I may call you that, mayn’t I?” he doesn’t bother to wait for an answer. “Umino sounds… rather like a Mist family name.”

“My family have served in Konoha for forty years,” Iruka protests, and the Mizukage fixes him with a look.

“Your family may have served there, but your heart doesn’t belong there, does it?” the Mizukage says, and Iruka is feeling significantly out of his depth here.

“Let me be plain with you, Iruka-kun. I have never believed in true love,” he raises his hand and touches Iruka’s cheek, “at least, not before I saw you.”

“Erk,” Iruka says eloquently.

“You have a kind of beauty to you, Iruka-kun,” the Mizukage says, staring at him intently. “Limpid chocolate eyes-”

“Do you write poetry?” Iruka blurts out before thinking about it, somehow oddly certain that the Mizukage has never grown out of that weird bohemian stage of writing bad poetry and hiding it beneath his pillow (he suspects it’s probably under a security seal as well – they are ninja after all.)

The Mizukage looks delighted. “Ah! You can see the strength of my artist’s soul!” He turns serious again quite rapidly, clasping his hands together. “Can’t you see that we’re meant to be? You, torn so cruelly from the embrace of your true homeland – and me, chained by the-“ he pauses, brow furrowing, then tries to continue, “chained by duty, but you can see the real me! We can free each other, Iruka-kun!

Iruka smiles weakly, his eyes darting around for an escape even as the Mizukage closes his eyes and begins to rhapsodize.

“-my sweet Iruka, I will ensure that you have the finest of everything. I will set ANBU to protect you so you need not fear the cruel grasp of Konohagakure reaching back for you. I will pick you the finest flowers every day and write my poetry just for you and if anyone tries to lay finger on you I’ll rip their fucking spines out and present them to you as gifts of my devotion. I will-“

Iruka sidles out of the door as the Mizukage enters a particular emphatic refrain, and runs.

------------

There was a long pause. Ibiki opened his mouth for a second, and then closed it again, unable to articulate his heart-felt distress that one of his students was apparently incapable of thinking up a reasonable lie.

“We’ll be leaving in half an hour,” he told his hopefully saner students. “Go. Pack.”

“Why doesn’t anyone believe me?” Iruka wailed in despair. “I’m telling the truth for once!”

Sandaime rolled his eyes.

---------------

“Roses are red, violets are blue,

I’ll hunt down your bastard jounin-sensei and kill him for you?

I know he’s the one who took you from me, sweet Iruka-kun. But don’t worry. I’ll save you. I promise.”

This... didn't turn out as amusing as I hoped it would. I'll try again another time, when I feel like I'm capable of writing humour.

happy!drunk

2009-10-18T02:08:43Z

I'm so ridiculously drunk right now.

But hey, I can spell correctly!

I think.

:DDD

Crossover drabbles, whee

2009-09-21T16:54:27Z

Sticking to 100 words is more difficult than I thought it would be. Who knew?

Will be adding more drabbles as I get progressively more bored.

1.

“Itachi!” Gai called, bounding towards him exuberantly. “Have you seen Potter-san? I have challenged him to a race around Konoha, so that I may prove the Superiority of the Shinobi Way to him, but he has disappeared!”

Itachi blinked, running his fingertips through the feathers of the falcon he was holding, and then inclined his head to the left, unsurprised by the flurry of motion Gai left behind in his rush. The falcon shuddered, shifting in cracks of muscle and flesh.

“Seriously,” Harry said when he had his mouth back, “There is something deeply wrong with you people.”

Itachi laughed.

-----

2.

“Okay,” Gwen said, trying to sound authoritative. “What do we know about our... guests?”

“Iruka says they’re teachers,” Tosh volunteered, and Owen snorted.

“Ninja teachers, maybe. How many weapons did they have on them?”

“A hundred and thirty seven between them,” Ianto said, sounding more admiring than anything.

“Right,” Gwen said weakly. “So. What are we going to do with them?”

“We could hire them,” Tosh said. “I mean, we’re not exactly field agents, and we do need more people.”

“Hire them?!” Gwen squeaked. “They killed that weevil!”

“I always wanted to be a ninja,” Ianto said thoughtfully. Owen nodded.

-----

3.

Sakura wasn’t sure why the Tsuchikage had decided to throw them in her dungeon, but she was certain that it was, in some way, either Sai or Naruto’s fault. Not that they had the decency to be ashamed of this, naturally. No, Naruto had managed to find the one prisoner who talked more than him and promptly befriended him, all apparently unbothered by the fact that they were due to be executed for their crimes the next morning (and Sakura still didn’t know what they’d done!)

“Not to worry,” the Doctor said cheerfully. “Just a moment and we’ll be out.”

-----

4.

“Now, Charlie, this is my most fascinating piece of work,” Willy Wonka said, striding ahead to a closed door. “You are not going to believe your eyes when I show you-“

“Wonka,” a voice cut in from behind them. Willy Wonka’s smile froze in a sickly-sweet rictus.

“Ah,” he said. “Ah. Harry Potter. What a pleasure.”

The dark-haired man – Harry Potter apparently – hummed mildly. “Remember that pesky Statute of Secrecy, Wonka?”

“Ah, well,” Willy Wonka began.

“No more excuses,” Potter said, looking unimpressed. “We’re fed up of having to Obliviate muggles. You’re coming with us.”

“Well, shit,” Willy Wonka said.

-----

Drelfina claimed that her use of three fandoms in one drabble meant she won. Clearly I could not allow this to stand.

5.

Sakura didn’t know why she’d agreed to travel with this stranger – “It’s a time-machine! You’ll be back before dinner!” – but she was fairly certain it wasn’t so she could be arrested by foreign policemen.

“We have strict laws in place about time travel,” Potter-san said, looking disapprovingly around the TARDIS.

“I’m a Time Lord!” the Doctor protested, flailing his arms. “Time travel is what I do!”

“Well you can’t do it here,” Potter-san said. “Furthermore- ” he stopped, catching sight of the odd creature they’d picked up earlier.

“An Oompa Loompa?” he asked rhetorically. “You have broken so many laws.

----

Okay, fine. You use five, I'll use seven! =P

6.

“Doctor!” Sakura shouted in exasperation.

His head popped up from underneath a headhunter engine, hair sticking up wildly.

“Ah, Sakura!” he exclaimed cheerfully. “I was just talking to young Anakin here-“

“Where’s Harry?” she demanded.

The Doctor blinked. “He’s not here?” He looked around, as if he’d just misplaced the young auror.

“No, he’s not,” Sakura said. “The – Oompa Loompa? – isn’t either.” She paused. “I think you left them behind on Pern.”

“Oh,” the Doctor said slowly. “Are you sure it wasn’t in Cardiff? Harry seemed to enjoy talking to Jack.”

“No,” Sakura said. “I remember Harry running from dragons.”

------

These drabbles are growing more and more pointless. But hey, eight fandoms!

7.

“So, you and Buffy, hey,” Jack said, nudging Harry with a smirk. The auror sighed.

“Jack, is this your version of subtly asking for a threesome?” he asked drily. “If so, you probably could have chosen a better location than the Death Star.”

Jack shrugged. “Sakura and the Doctor are off dealing with Vader, Buffy’s trying to hunt down that tribble we picked up accidentally before it destroys the space-time continuum – and it’s better than asking you in Atlantis. At least we’re not fleeing from Wraith here.”

“You were too busy propositioning Ronon there, anyway,” Harry said, rolling his eyes.

-----

Unedited - - new ending needed

2009-09-20T22:24:22Z

But hey, it's fic. If you have suggestions on how to make the ending not suck so badly, feel very free to fire them at me. Also, also, also: if anyone has msn/gmail chat and would be willing to be thoroughly spoilerised for any of my longer fics I'd really appreciate having someone to bounce ideas off/show half-written chapters to.

For as long as Naruto could remember, Obito had been there.

Obito had always been hanging around – telling him what not to touch, what was edible, how to read, when the shopkeepers were ripping him off... It had been like having a guardian angel or something, although Naruto had learned very quickly not to speak to him when they were in public. Some people were paranoid about just who the demon-brat was talking to – there was no violence of course; Sandaime would have killed anyone who tried it, but there had been definite ways of expressing disapproval.

It was no real surprise that Naruto had started to try and copy his older friend – when he was cutting his hair with his kunai he made it that bit spikier, when he was shopping he went out and bought himself a pair of goggles and when he was going out he shouted and bounced and drew attention in the same way that Obito-nii did.

He began to grow up, and Obito changed with him. It wasn't anything big; when Naruto was eight, Obito looked around thirteen, but by the time Naruto was twelve, Obito seemed about fifteen. He always seemed to stay those few years ahead, and Naruto wasn't even go to try and figure out how that worked. They stayed close – Obito was the only one Naruto told when he got a crush on Sasuke and had no idea to react, so was just more obnoxious than usual.

Naruto worked out that Obito had been Kakashi's team-mate when he talked to a medic-nin named Rin, in a town he and Jiraiya visited. He'd asked Obito about it, but the boy – teenager, adult, man – just smiled and told him somethings were better left alone.

He worked out how to make Obito solid when he was fifteen and playing around with the configuration of rasengan – the chakra had all exploded out and somehow Obito had caught some of it and was channeling it into his body...

Naruto was seventeen, jounin and very much confident in his own skills, when he found himself watching Kakashi in all the wrong ways. It wasn't easy to find time to watch Kakashi, because Kakashi was never around. Naruto took up stalking as a hobby, and nearly had a heart attack when he saw Kakashi being shoved against a wall by Raidou, who seemed determined to chew Kakashi's lips off. He slunk home, disheartened and very much unsure about what he wanted to do next.

That was the first time Obito had kissed him, and the first time that they'd worked out that Obito could just borrow chakra without asking.

That had been it on the dating scene as far as Naruto was concerned. He stopped watching other people and starting exchanging secretive grins with his shadow when no one else could see them. He seemed to withdraw from social events just that little bit, so he could spend more time at home, testing out what he and Obito could do (there was, apparently, very little that they couldn't do). Sakura had expressed worry about him - “Are you sure you don't want a girlfriend?” but Naruto had sent her one of his self-satisfied smiles and told her not to worry – he was more than fine.

They'd fucked around for a while, and had finally perfected the amount of chakra it took for Obito to still be solid in the morning. Still curled around Naruto, breathing warm air against his neck. Everything was perfect – until it was decided by the council that Naruto needed children, because Konoha needed strong ninjas and some legacies couldn't be allowed to die out.

He'd had no choice in bride – one Hyuuga Hanabi, a fresh Branch House seal on her forehead – nor in getting married. It had been a mission, and there had been Consequences for refusing.

The day Naruto had said “I love you” to Hyuuga Hanabi, however much of a lie it felt on his tongue, and even if it had only been to satisfy a concerned Sakura-

That was the day Obito disappeared.

Naruto never said the word love again.

Two Steps Back

2009-07-01T00:10:58Z

Current Status: ~~1400 words~~
1500 words

Will drabble for someone who can give me a female Japanese name!

'cause apparently I suck like whoa when it comes to naming characters. And she's going to be kind of important. Eventually.

In about twenty chapters or so.

The Philosopher's Dictionary

2009-06-19T15:14:48Z

Intuitively = Look, I've got another half hour before the deadline and I don't feel like writing another ten pages arguing about something that can't be proven one way or another, so just accept that I'm right, bitch.
Historically = No, I really couldn't be bothered to look up the dates.
Before answering the question = oh God, I don't know how to answer the question
It is easy to assume there is some validity in -'s claims = Wrong. So, so wrong. People laugh at you because they're so wrong.
In balance = Um. I don't know the answer. Give me credit for being nice about both viewpoints?

No love.

2009-06-17T18:12:12Z

ARGH.

COULD YOU NOT HAVE TOLD ME I NEEDED A DIFFERENT CALCULATOR MODEL EARLIER? LIKE, SAY, WHEN MY EXAM WAS MORE THAN FIVE FUCKING DAYS AWAY?

YOU SUCK. SO BADLY.

As does Amazon, with its ridiculous express charges. So not cool.

OMG, FIC.

2009-06-16T22:47:02Z

When revision raises its ugly head, I find myself writing.

Sad truth of life.

Anyway, so aaaages ago I did this drabble request thingy and rosalui requested 'TSB? A highly unlikely scenario where Shisui and InoPapa and the gang get to somehow see Sauceycakes with eyes? Preferably kicking ass at the same time? Genjutsu/henge/photograph(lol) whatever?'

Okay, so it's not - exactly - a drabble. And it's just Shisui, instead of the whole gang. And I kind of got distracted.

But hey, fic! (Also, this was done in about forty minutes; there may well be many, many mistakes, but I DON'T CARE. Much.)

Shisui’s just got off an ANBU mission – he’s all but running on empty, trying not to twitch at every stray sound and seeing Itachi round every corner. He can’t deal with his clan and their incessant questions right now-

(how bad was it? did you lose anybody? did you uphold the honour of the clan? and it’s screw the clan, and screw your questions and don’t you know what classified means, you bastard? but he can’t say that because being Uchiha means walking a tightrope between loyalty to Konoha and loyalty to the Uchiha even if he’s already decided Konoha comes first)

- So he’s heading over to Kenshin’s, just wanting to collapse into his bed and sleep, knowing that he’s in one of the most secure buildings in Konoha. Between Kenshin’s paranoia, Naruto’s bloodline and Shizuka’s seals, Shisui’s fairly sure that only an S-class missing-nin would have a chance at getting near, and even then he suspects Kenshin’s been hiding something particularly lethal for such a situation.

He has a key but he’s only had to use it four times in the past year – Naruto always opens the door before he can pull it out; says he can hear Shisui’s thoughts from a mile away (Shisui’s not quite sure how much of that’s a joke, and decided long ago not to ask). It seems odd that Naruto’s not opening the door now; Shisui feels the faintest tendril of worry as he clicks the door open and slides his sandals off.

It’s late – they might already be asleep, he thinks, but- and there’s a moment of absolute relief as Kenshin stands at the doorway to his bedroom, looking half-asleep and faintly adorable now that his hair has grown into this shaggy sort of mess, made worse from sleep. Shisui mentally erases the word adorable from his vocabulary, just in case Naruto’s awake and decides to cause trouble for him.

“He’s asleep,” Kenshin says, gesturing with his head back into his bedroom.

Ah, Shisui thinks. It must have been bad if Naruto’s clinging to Kenshin like this – and if Kenshin’s allowing it. “Was it-“ he begins hesitantly, because he knows about the all-too polite arguments Kenshin has got into with the council about Naruto.

“Necessary,” Kenshin says with a twist of his lips. “Ibiki couldn’t break the man and Naruto insisted he at least got to try.” He pauses, then adds reluctantly, “They were right to.”

Shisui tries not to flinch – because if Kenshin’s accepting that they should have used Naruto, then whatever information they got out of it was big, and big inevitably meant ANBU would be working overtime.

“So,” he begins, wanting off the topic, but not sure how to ask if it’s okay if he still stays the night – he knows Naruto will always come first with Kenshin, but he can still hope-

Kenshin lets out a huff of air that sounds amused. “There’s enough room for you,” he says, and that seems to be it. Kenshin doesn’t often bother saying more than he has to, but he’s improved over the last few years thanks mainly to Inoichi.

Shisui smiles gratefully and wastes no time in stripping down to his boxers, trying not to be too appreciative as Kenshin ambles back to bed, the muscles sliding across his back, gleaming slightly from the dim light that’s left on in the hallway for Naruto’s sake. He takes the left side of the bed, slipping a kunai under the pillow – Kenshin keeps his sword on the right and woe and betide if anyone gets between that man and his sword. Naruto makes a faint mumbled complaint at the movement, but doesn’t wake.

Sleep comes quickly, blanketed by the reassurance of safety that Shisui so rarely feels. Somehow Naruto ends up sprawled between the two of them, one hand wrapped around Shisui’s thumb and the other dragging Kenshin’s arm into a hug – Naruto’s tactile enough when awake, seems it transfers to sleep as well – and maybe that’s the reasons for the dreams that come-

He’s seeing in the bright sharpness that only comes from Sharingan, all the colours standing out bold and indescribable; those colours that there aren’t words for because normal people can’t see them. He looks to the right, and somehow he knows there’s someone there without even sensing them.

“Suigetsu,” he can hear himself say, and it’s Kenshin’s voice speaking, younger, oddly reminiscent of Itachi.
“He sent you then?” the boy facing them asks, looking faintly resigned.

Shisui can feel one eyebrow quirk, and amusement – but it’s muted as if he’s feeling it from a distance. He wonders vaguely if Kenshin feels all emotion like this, or if it’s because this is a dream; he’s not sure how he knows this is a dream but he’s oddly certain nevertheless.

“You did betray the Village,” he finds himself drawling.

“Don’t give me that crap about loyalty to your Village,” the boy says in disgust. “When you think of what he’s done-“

Shisui is confused by this; the conversation is raising more questions than its solving. What he’s done? Who is Suigetsu talking about? There is a nasty suspicion raising its head and saying Danzo, because not Sandaime, never Sandaime-

“You made your choice Suigetsu,” he is saying. “Live with it.” There is a pause, and then he is smiling, but it is no longer amusement Kenshin is feeling, but bitterness. “Or not, I suppose.”

“I fought with you,” Suigetsu protests, and Shisui is shaking his head before he even finished.

“It’s the past tense that’s the problem here,” he says wryly. And then, “I still need him.”

“Do you even know what he’s going to do to your precious Konoha-?” Suigetsu says, sudden desperation, but Shisui is distracted by the way his chakra is gathering around his hand, the chattering sound of lightning collecting and oh- oh.

So that’s how chidori works.

And then he is moving, and Suigetsu barely avoids him – Shisui is a confused mess at the absolute suddenness of the fight. He is moving too fast – too fast, Shunshin no Shisui can’t keep up with the speed, what the hell is wrong with the world – and the chidori ends up blasted into the edge of a tree, dismissed before Shisui can even think of it.

There is a sword in the boy’s hand as Shisui twists, lets his legs hit the tree his chidori glanced off and bounces towards him. They meet in a clash of steel – seriously, when did he draw his sword? The amount of out-classing going on at this particular moment is not doing good things to his ego – and he is sliding to the side. Suigetsu is the better swordsman; Shisui knows this as he puts distance between them again, hands blurring in seals (okay, where did his sword go?) and Shisui can barely track the movements even with his Sharingan.

He still manages to store them somewhere in his mind and is glad of it as a pulse of fire is sent outwards at blinding speed, blasting through trees and starting a fire that Shisui for one is a little nervous about. It hits the boy, but he collapses into liquid and reforms just a quickly; worse for the wear though. He is missing a limb that just didn’t reform from the water – perhaps the heat evaporated some of his body mass? Shisui decides not to worry about the specifics as he is on the move again, taking the fight into the branches.

This move seems a little foolhardy to him as the flames are rapidly spreading from tree to tree, but as he has no way to influence the fight he decides that he’ll scold Kenshin about it at a later date. There is a moment’s pause (is the boy deciding whether or not to run? Shisui thinks he’s clearly a bit stupid for only considering it now; by this point, he thinks, he would be in Snow Country or maybe a bit further away) and then Suigetsu is blurring onto the branch opposite.

His face is drawn into a mixture of resignation and vicious defiance as he raises his sword in his only remaining hand, clearly unbalanced without the other one – and Shisui suddenly realises that the boy knows how futile it would be to run. He has a moment to pity the brat, because seriously, there’s no way he could have ever won, not with Kenshin on his tail, and then he is gathering chidori again.

Shisui doesn’t think he blinks, but one moment he is standing on a tree branch, facing off against his opponent like something out of a bad manga – and the next, his hand is sticking out of the boy’s back and the boy is sputtering weakly as he dies, a flicker of gratefulness in his eyes that it was quick, and something like- triumph?

There is sudden gripping fear as he glances down at his arm – there is black rapidly spreading through his veins, branching out from a tiny, pin-prick wound. Poison, he thinks blankly, letting the body drop off his arm with a thick squelching sound, not even watching as it arches down between the trees.

There has to be some way to deal with this, he thinks. There has to be-

He wakes without a sound; even though he wants to take a gasp of air, he’s much too well-trained for it. There’s a moment of disorientation as he stares up at the ceiling, steady breathing the only sound in the room.

Kenshin is awake – sensing the tension in his body, or maybe just through mysterious Kenshin powers that mean he can never be caught out. “You alright?” he murmurs briefly, and Shisui lets himself think, lets the adrenaline leave his body.

“Just a dream,” he says back, but Kenshin is silent, waiting for something more. Shisui feels himself grin, liking that about Kenshin – how he doesn’t take things for granted. “Yeah, I’m good.”

Kenshin hums faintly and rolls onto his back, the mattress shifting beneath him. He pulls Naruto into him, and Naruto releases Shisui’s thumb without protest, snuffling into Kenshin’s body and Shisui looks at him thoughtfully.

No doubt this would be something Ibiki would be fascinated to learn about, but- Shisui decides then and there that what just happened was nothing but the product of an overactive imagination, and there was definitely no damn need to report it to anyone. Just a dream – and he grins to himself, remembering how it had felt to fight like Kenshin.

Three months later Shisui uses chidori in front of Hatake Kakashi, just to see how much it will upset him.

imepic @ 2009-06-02T20:46:00

2009-06-02T19:45:33Z

Pizza Hut + Ice Cream Factory + Students = General Unhappiness

Seriously. Pain.

ARGH.

2009-05-07T10:12:27Z

To whichever philosopher made the stupid comment about coerced decision being an entirely different action to decions, therefore Frankfurt was wrong, nyeh, nyeh, nyeh, thanks for WASTING TWENTY MINUTES OF MY TUTORIAL. YOU TWAT.

Also, you blatantly don't understand his argument, which makes your distinction worthless as it's IRRELEVANT. Therefore, do not write where impressionable young students can read your idiocy.

Thank you kindly.

I wish...

2009-04-14T01:19:57Z

...I could draw, so I could design a cover in which Captain America, Wolverine and Mr. Fantastic were terrified, being stripped by tentacles and hinting at rape.

Why, yes. This does quite upset me.

Twilight

2009-03-27T16:40:57Z

Best summary of Twilight I have ever seen - here. Seriously. Made of awesome.

Er - please note, however, that I have netiher read the books nor watched the movie and thus have no idea how accurate it is.

Will drabble...

2009-03-26T23:32:46Z

Will drabble for
~~food~~
~~sex~~
icons
fic

Any pairing, any fandom I've heard of (or original) or can at least bluff passing familiarity. Anyone interested?

This is SPARTAAAAAA!

2009-03-26T23:01:05Z

136. You are not to remove any article of clothing when being debriefed. You didn’t misunderstand. We’re not that gullible.

137. You are not bringing sexy back.

138. Neither is your dance routine.

139. “Genma did it first” is not an adequate excuse for anything.

140. You are re-banned from all and any explosive devices Iruka. We don’t care what Tsume said.

141. While your ‘1001 Ways to Kill a Ninja With Just a Toothpick, a Piece of String and a Peanut’ is undoubtedly imaginative, deeply informative and well-researched, we do not appreciate you distributing it to the Academy students. We are also rather dubious about ways 745-87.

142. You are not allowed to ascend to godhood without first seeking prior permission from the Hokage. No matter what the ‘funky glowing lights’ tell you.

143. You do not have prior permission.

144. You are not allowed to throw matches in the chuunin exams simply because your opponent has bribed you with sexual favours. The reverse, however, is permissible.

145. Our acceptance that some cheating is both permissible and in certain cases desirable, as acknowledged in rule 144, does not mean that rule 90 has been revoked.

146. The correct answer to Cluedo is not ‘The Hokage, in the Hokage Tower, with the whip he uses in secret sado-masochistic rituals’. This will never be the correct answer.

147. The Hokage does not own a whip that he uses in secret sado-masochistic rituals.

148. Or in not-so secret ones, either.

149. Contrary to whatever evidence you may have gathered, failing a psychological test will not win you an automatic promotion to jounin.

150. This is not Sparta.

Team Nineteen!

2009-03-24T23:28:15Z

:D!

You love it really.

121. The Academy staff would (politely) like to inform you that if you were the ones that interfered with the correct working of their coffee machine then you will never be able to contemplate sending any demon brats you may spawn unto their hallowed grounds – if you are capable of spawning when Akemi-sensei is done with you, that is.

122. You are not to come near the printing press when the Konoha Bingo Book is being put into publication. The Teenage Mutant Ninjas do not exist, are not S-ranked missing-nin and we don’t appreciate you making Gai cry.

123. Shadow clones do not have human rights and Kakashi should not be tried for war crimes.

124. You are not the official tribunal for war crimes. There is no tribunal for war crimes. If there was a tribunal for war crimes, you would not be allowed to find Gai guilty of ‘inflicting untold horrors on the minds of the innocent’.

125. Even if the majority of the population agrees with you.

126. You are not to hire your services out as ‘l33t ninja stripperz!’ You’re giving Konoha a bad reputation.

127. Asking Danzo to clap is not funny.

128. We don’t care if Sandaime laughed.

129. Although Ebisu’s disposition may indeed be improved if he gets laid, you are not to try and accomplish this by locking him in storage cupboards with various ANBU even if ‘ANBU are hot lyk whoa!’

130. Even if it worked.

131. You are not to amend mission orders by writing “in bed” after every sentence.

132. While the motto of “try, try, try again,” may be admirable in certain circumstances, it should not be applied to trying to sneak into the women’s half of the baths.

133. You are not allowed to circulate opinion polls on the state of the Hokage’s love life.

134.~~Or Danzo’s, Uchiha Fugaku’s, Hyuuga Hiashi’s, Inuzuka Tsume’s~~ You are not allowed to circulate opinion polls on the state of anyone’s love life. Even if Tsume finds it funny.

135. Inuzuka Tsume is not an appropriate role model.

Two Steps Back; Chapter Four

2009-03-21T23:57:41Z

Part one, 5/6

Chapter Four

“Expel your chakra from your feet slower – slower,” Sasuke said in a calm voice as he did another press-up.

He and Naruto were outside in Shizuka's garden, trying to master the art of water-walking – well, Naruto was trying to master it and Sasuke was monitoring the chakra levels and going through a basic fitness routine to try and keep himself in shape.

“I am doing it slowly!” Naruto complained, and Sasuke snorted.

“You need to use less chakra or the levels will fluctuate too much for you to be able to stand on the water. The lower the level of chakra is, the easier it is for you to maintain. Now use less chakra,” he said, and there was silence on Naruto's part.

“Uh, Kenshin-sensei?” he finally piped up. Sasuke grunted. “What does fluctuate mean?”

“Change back and forth,” he explained shortly. He extended his senses, and there-

“That's a better level of chakra,” he said. “Try to keep that up, and then step onto the water.”

A few seconds later there was a splash, and Sasuke sighed. “Try it again,” he said.

There was a rustle from behind him – Shizuka, he decided, feeling the chakra held in rough control under the person's skin. His guess was confirmed when Naruto shouted a greeting to 'Shizuka-nee-chan!”

The lack of reply, though, made him frown slightly. That wasn't like her – now, to put the effort into actually enquiring, or just to let her sort it out on her own...

“Naruto's gettin' bullied,” she said without preamble, he voice low enough that Naruto wouldn't be able to hear, and Sasuke held himself still in surprise. Shizuka seemed to take that as permission to continue. “He's keeping his mouth shut 'cause he knows you can't see the bruises and they're healin' up pretty fast, but someone seems to be takin' the time to redo 'em every other day.”

“Do you have any idea who?” Sasuke asked, pushing himself to his feet, and he was proud of how calm his voice was – even if it bordered on the edge of being too calm; dangerous in its mildness.

“D'you think I'd be sittin' here if I did?” Shizuka said. “I'd be kickin' the shit outta those bastards, or at least havin' a good go at it.” She sighed through her nose. “I don't – I like the kid, y'know, and I don't let anyone fuck with my lot.”

Sasuke could feel a trite comment about Konoha's Will of Fire rising to his lips, before he pushed it down. “Do you have any idea why?” he asked. “Has he been pulling pranks-?”

“Er,” Shizuka said, clearly thinking it over. “Nah – nah, he hasn't. Which is weird, 'cause you'd think they'd need some sorta trigger. Ain't like they'd go 'round beating the shit out of him for no reason, even if he is- well, you know.”

“Hm,” Sasuke said in reply.

“It just doesn’t make sense,” Shizuka snarled. “I mean, it damn well ain’t goin’ to be any of the kids ‘cause they just don’t have the strength to do somethin’ like this – an’ anyone older’n that has got t’know how Sandaime feels about stuff like this.

“The Hyuuga clan might be a little upset over the defeat of one of their members,” Sasuke said reluctantly. “Especially since I am blind. It… cannot be the most respectable of defeats for those who pride themselves on being all-seeing.”

“Y’mean over Hyuuga Akihiro?” Shizuka asked, continuing without waiting for an answer. “The man’s a dick. Everyone knows that. Seriously, if I was good enough, I’d’a kicked his fuckin’ head in long ago, an’ that’d just be ‘cause it’d feel good.”

“Nevertheless,” Sasuke shrugged. “They are incapable of acting directly against either myself or Naruto, yet I would imagine they are unwilling to allow the humiliation to escape. If a few adults happen to mention around a couple of teenagers how Naruto seems to be flaunting their clan’s disgrace…”

“But he’s hangin’ ‘round with that Neji kid now!” Shizuka protested.

“Mm,” Sasuke agreed. “I do not believe they would be too happy over that, either. Perhaps that has upset them even more than this Akihiro’s defeat. Hiashi, perhaps, would allow a lot to happen for the alleviation of his nephew’s bitterness – the clan elders on the other hand…” He sighed. “Naturally, this is all supposition.”

“So we need somethin’ that’ll get the Hyuuga to back off,” Shizuka said thoughtfully.

Sasuke laughed softly. “We don’t have the force to make them back off,” he said, almost bitterly. “A genin and a blind man. I wouldn’t have expected them to be so petty about what revenge they took, but what can we do about it?”

“Rumours,” Shizuka said abruptly. “I’ll say somethin’ about you wantin’ to… I dunno, adopt the kid, an’ how I overheard Sandaime shoutin’ something about Namikaze, an’ then,” she adopted a tone of mock revelation, “Hey, the kid kinda looks like Yondaime did. D’you think…?”

“You’ll make them think he’s Yondaime’s son,” Sasuke said. Maybe-

“Nah, not goin’ to say anything straight out. Everyone knows that Yondaime couldn’t have kids – some sorta family curse t’do with firstborn or somethin’. But we let rumour say it, an’ by tomorrow he’ll be Yondaime’s little brother, or nephew, or, hell, Yondaime himself reborn. Maybe they’ll come up with some explanation sayin’ Yondaime broke the curse an’ just didn’t tell anyone ‘cause he wanted his son to be safe.”

“And then nothing can be verified – or disproved, but they still would be wary about testing it,” Sasuke said. “Not bad.” He managed not to let his confusion show in his voice – because Naruto wasn’t the Yondaime’s son? He’d always assumed…

Shizuka snorted inelegantly. “People reckon I’m stupid,” she said. “I am, kinda – I don’t know books or anything, but I’m still half Nara when it comes to it. S’just… I can’t make things go from A to B, if y’get me. I’m there at D, an’ I’ve not got a clue how, or how t’explain it but-” She sighed.

“It’s like seals. There’s all this maths and stuff behind explosive tags, but I c’n just draw ‘em an’ they’ll work just fine even if they aren’t like everyone else’s.”

“You make your own explosive tags?” Sasuke asked, momentarily derailed.

“Well, yeah,” Shizuka said, sounding confused. “Doesn’t everyone? It’s way cheaper.”

“Cheaper, perhaps but hardly time-efficient,” Sasuke said. “It takes a while-“

“Kenshin-sensei, I did it, I did it!” Naruto shouted, and Sasuke turned his head to where Naruto’s voice was coming from.

“How long?” he asked, and paused, slightly bewildered at the tolerant amusement in his own voice. It was only a tinge, but since when had his emotions been on show like this?

“Two minutes, just like you said! I counted it – six lots of twenty seconds.” Naruto said, running up to him, his wet clothes slapping against the ground.

“Good,” Sasuke said, inclining his head slightly. “Remember to do this at the start of every day, increasing the length slightly – your chakra control will be significantly improved by it.”

“Hey, hey!” Shizuka said indignantly. “I didn’t get a ‘good’ when I mastered the water-walkin’ thingy.”

“Shizuka,” Sasuke said blandly, “You’re over twice his age.”

“Yeah, but-“ she spluttered. “I completed it faster than him too!”

“As I said,” Sasuke said, “Twice his age.”

“It’s ‘cos I’m cooler than you,” Naruto said, and Sasuke could guess that he was sticking his tongue out. Shizuka howled.

“That’s it, you little brat! You’re going down!”

Sasuke leant back slightly as Shizuka went lunging past him, and managed not to sigh as the two descended into an all-out war in the back yard. At least, he thought philosophically, feeling Naruto’s chakra flare as he presumably ran across the pond – at least they were still practicing their control.

----------

Sasuke sighed as he stretched out slightly – another early-morning training session done, and he’d managed to hold off strangling Ryuu yet again. If it weren’t for Chouji keeping control over the brat, he admitted to himself ruefully, then he’d have come close to snapping. Inoichi had taken Ino and Naruto (it was strange how those two were starting to slur together; InoandNaruto, like they were one person) to the Academy for classes and Sasuke was taking advantage of the momentary quiet.

Naturally, he should have been surprised when the faint – polite – flare of chakra came from off to one side; an ANBU signaling their presence. The residents of Konoha had an uncanny talent for interfering with his peaceful reveries (brooding, he could almost hear Naruto – old Naruto – saying mockingly. Call it what it is, bastard.)

He turned his head to acknowledge the ANBU’s signal, not showing his exasperation.

“Sandaime-sama would like to see you at your convenience, Hideyoshi-san,” the ANBU said, voice muffled by the mask to come out as monotonous.

“Hm,” Sasuke acknowledged. “Thank you for delivering the message, ANBU-san.” There was another brief flare of chakra – the ANBU teleporting away, he assumed, but he knew better than to take it for certain.

Now, he thought, what precisely was meant by ‘at your convenience’? Had it been a message from Orochimaru, then he would have assumed it was sarcastic – and that he was probably late for a meeting with the Otokage. Sandaime, however, he imagined said precisely what he meant. Nevertheless, it was probably best not to keep him waiting.

Sasuke began to head further into Konoha, the route so ingrained in his mind by now that he barely had to pay attention to obstacles. If he stuck to the more abandoned outer roads on his way to the Hokage’s tower he might be able to make the journey without bumping into someone; while he could sense the bare limits of civilians’ chakra, it was like comparing a candle to a bonfire when put next to shinobi – tended to throw his perception completely out. Shinobi were far easier to predict when it came to movement, something he had no doubt would distress a great number of ninja should they find out. And speaking of ninja-

“A word, Hideyoshi-san,” a familiar voice snapped from somewhere to the left, and Sasuke frowned trying to remember where he recognised it from. Ah- Uchiha Shisui. He turned his head to where the sound had come from, tilting his head in slight inquiry.

“In private,” Shisui said, and it was close to a snarl. Sasuke felt his muscles tense, not liking the hostility that was clearly present, but pretty sure it wasn't worth getting into a pissing match over. He extended his senses to try and gage how many people were around them – two civilians, slightly north-west, he guessed.

“Where would you suggest, Uchiha-san?” he asked, and his voice was pleasant enough to be a blatant mockery.

There was a pause, before Shisui’s hand was on Sasuke’s shoulder; the blur of a teleport and Sasuke had to stop himself from reacting as they slid through air, solid force pressing in- and then out; a rush of release as they were back in the original plane. Sasuke wasn’t sure when he’d drawn the kunai, but he knew just how close it passed to Shisui.

“Perhaps,” he said carefully, “It would be wise to warn someone before you tried that next time, Shunshin no Shisui.”

“What did you tell Sandaime-sama?” Shisui demanded, ignoring the warning in his voice, close enough that Sasuke could feel his muscles tensing in reaction.

“What are you talking about?” he asked in a carefully calm voice, sheathing his kunai and keeping his face poker-blank.

“Don't look at me like that!” Shisui snapped. “You admitted to having the sharingan, you talked to him alone – you're the only one who could have brought this along.”

“Uchiha-san,” Sasuke said with forced patience. “Your... interrogation would work better if I knew what you were trying to accuse me of.”

Shisui breathed in, sharply, as if trying to control his temper. It took another few breaths before he finally spoke. “Sandaime-sama has restricted use of sharingan to seven hours a week, regardless of missions. The sharingan is not to be activated within the village walls unless in one of several regulated training grounds. He has ordered that all Uchihas on active service are to have regular-” And there was distaste in Shisui's voice as he continued, “-psychological examinations. Once every two months to be precise. What did you say to him?”

Sasuke knew he should back down, offer some placatory response that would calm the other down – taunting ANBU wasn't a great idea at the best of times and taunting them when blind was just stupid. Even so- He could feel his mouth widening into a cold smirk almost against his will, his shoulders dropping into insolent relaxation. This, a little voice in the back of his voice said, in tones uncannily reminiscent of Kakashi, was what always got him into trouble. Control yourself, let people think you're harmless.

“The truth,” he said – at least his voice was the same dispassionate tones as he normally used. He would have been forced to bash his head against the nearest wall if he had descended into childish taunting. “The sharingan causes psychological instability, especially when advanced to higher levels. Constant activation leads to a deterioration in memory, emotional control and eyesight.”

“That’s a lie!” Shisui snarled.

“You're hardly the best one to judge, Uchiha-san,” Sasuke said, secretly quite enjoying just how riled up Shisui was getting. “In fact-” He paused, cocking his head – had he heard...? For a second, he'd thought he'd heard a trigger explosion, like the ones Konoha had used against Oto at the beginning of the war – but there was no follow-

The explosion that came next rocked the ground beneath their feet, followed by the thumps of people stumbling against walls, the startled screams. Kabuto almost blurring in his speed; the absolute shock that Konoha would dare attack them in their own home- was it Naruto who’d set off the explosion, he wondered as he ran towards the noise – Sakura, Kakashi, Kiba, anyone he knew? Sasuke shifted to keep his balance, shifted his mind into the present and felt the rush of chakra as Shisui leapt to the nearest roof – going to see what had happened?

There was the faint shift of displaced air as Shisui landed back on the street. “It's over in sector five-seven,” he said, sounding distracted and Sasuke frowned. Shisui kept on talking, as if to himself “The only place of significance there is the police station – there's no point in attacking that.”

“Must be the first level holding cells,” Sasuke said after a moment's thought. “Maybe someone's trying to break out-”

“The first level holding cells?” Shisui repeated blankly. “But-” Sasuke could almost hear the speed of Shisui's thoughts from where he stood, flickering over different pathways hurriedly. “I was just heading over there,” Shisui said after a moment. “I just – saw you and stopped to-”

“Shout irrationally at me?” Sasuke enquired dryly. “Shouldn't you be going to secure the facilities?”

“Hm? Oh - no,” Shisui said slowly. “I'm not on duty – I was going to see if Sayu needed me to pick up some lunch for her. If I go now, I'll just be getting in the way of the emergency procedures. You know protocol.” He sounded worried though, as if he were trying to convince himself.

Sasuke nodded, unable to see the calculating look that spread over Shisui's face.

“So you were part of a Village,” he said triumphantly. “Probably this one too, if you know our protocol – and you knew where the holding cells were.”

Sasuke stilled, thinking quickly. “What happened to worrying about the police station?” he drawled out, buying himself time. What to say, what to say... “And no, I've never been part of a Village. That doesn't mean I can't recognise the logic of your protocol when I hear it, or I can't guess that the lower security cells would be near your police station.”

There was silence, and Sasuke wondered briefly what Shisui was doing – waited for him to speak up.

“You know,” Shisui said after a moment, and there was an undeniably smug note in his voice. “You talk more when you're lying.”

Sasuke said nothing, but arranged his face into a polite mask of incredulity. In the distance, there was the sound of shouting; chakra signs flaring up as more and more ninja took to the roofs in fast patrol formation. Alarms were beginning to flare up – as if anyone hadn’t been alerted in the breach of security by the explosion, Sasuke thought with brief amusement, fading to be replaced with concentration.

Explosion in the police cells; did he remember it? Shisui was saying something else, pulsing his chakra out in flares in response to some sort of ANBU signal that had been sent out. There’d been that time, not long before the massacre; he’d been noisy, talking about how he’d felt the shocks over in the library, his mother had been saying something to his father over the evening meal – “it was a good thing Shisui-san was visiting Sayu. Who knows how out of hand it could have got otherwise?”

Ripples, Sasuke thought, sudden panic assaulting him. Ripples on ripples on ripples, affecting things – how was he changing the future? He was making guesses, based on what he knew, but he’d already starting changing things, even without Sandaime doing his best to meddle. If all these small things were changing then how was he going to control the larger ones? How was he going to make sure Naruto stayed safe?

Another chakra flare; someone dropping down in front of them. Sasuke found a kunai in his hand – he must be more off-balance than he’d thought, already resorted to weapons and as twitchy as anything.

“Is there a reason you’re not moving to patrol the streets Shisui?” a young voice said, prepubescent but trying – and nearly succeeding - to make up for it in stern monotony.

“Is there a reason you’re breaking Sandaime’s new law already, Itachi?” Shisui said mockingly, and Sasuke froze- Itachi? His fingers twitched, almost desperate to form a jutsu, but no- Sandaime knew, Sandaime would deal with it, Itachi had to live so the timeline wouldn’t decide to nosedive into Orochimaru’s welcoming arms – any further than it might have. Damn, but it was harder than he’d thought to keep himself from just reaching out and-

No. He tuned back in to find Shisui speaking again. “-your sharingan? It’s active kid. That’s against the law.”

Sasuke tried not to smirk at the patronising tone Shisui had taken on. There was something deeply satisfying about hearing his perfect older brother being talked down to that appealed to the eight-year-old hidden inside of him.

“I am an ANBU captain,” Itachi said, his voice carefully calm. “Referring to me as ‘kid’ borders on insubordination.”

Shisui snickered. “Tell you what. When your voice breaks, I’ll stop calling you kid.”

“Shisui-”

Sasuke’s head snapped around as he felt three chakra signals approaching at speed. There was a sound – one of the two near him taking to the roof, ready to herd them. The other – Shisui, definitely Shisui – was trying to push him out of the way as they came closer.

Sasuke twitched, contemplated being reasonable and then decided against it with calm certainty. His hands flashed through a series of seals, and he was proud to note that his dexterity hadn’t faded in the slightest – ten seals reeled off as fast as any could.

Slamming his hands out, he didn’t bother to shout the name of his technique – instead feeling the wind wrap around his forearms and then blast out at speed, a tornado lashing out. The approaching chakra signals faltered – and then were caught up in the winds and tossed against the nearest walls. Sasuke grinned viciously as he heard sickening thuds, then wished briefly that he’d been able to unleash a nastier jutsu. Wind jutsus weren’t his strength, but after seeing Naruto toss them around like confetti, he’d picked up a couple out of sheer self-preservation.

“That was an interesting jutsu,” Itachi said, suddenly behind Sasuke. Sasuke tried not to twitch, and simply grunted an acknowledgement.

“From Suna?” Itachi prompted after a few seconds of silence.

“Yes,” Sasuke replied, and didn’t elaborate.

“They’re both still alive,” Shisui called – he’d presumably been checking their state, Sasuke thought detachedly. That was good – wait-

“Both?” he said. “Where’s the third?”

“Third?” Shisui asked. “I didn’t see a third.”

“There were three chakra signatures,” Sasuke said curtly. “One was fainter than the others, but still-“

There was silence, in which Sasuke imagined a conversation taking place between Itachi and Shisui – ANBU signs, most likely. “If there was a third, I’m sure they’ll be picked up by village security,” Shisui said at long last, his voice slightly placatory. Sasuke could imagine the thought – if my sharingan didn’t see them, they didn’t exist.

“…Probably,” he conceded, not altogether sure of it. Someone, or two someones, were approaching from the right – a familiar trigger. Inoichi?

“We’ll take them off your hands, Uchiha-san,” Inoichi called. “No need for you both to hang around.”

“…My thanks,” Itachi said, his voice implying that he wasn’t sure whether to be thankful or not. “I’ll take my leave of you then.”

“Ah- just a moment,” Inoichi said mildly. “You appear to be breaking the law, Uchiha-san.”

There was a pause, before Itachi spoke. “My apologies. It would appear to be an involuntary reaction to the altercation that took place shortly previous.”

“Perhaps you should be more careful about your- involuntary reactions then,” Inoichi said, still mild. Sasuke wasn’t sure, but he imagined there was a faint note of glee underlying the careful words. “Some might be less conscientious about questioning you when it comes to fulfilling Sandaime’s will.”

“Naturally,” Itachi said. “Shisui?”

There was no confirmatory sound, but the two vanished with the flares that indicated a precise teleport, much to Sasuke’s relief.

“There is,” Inoichi remarked thoughtfully, “A certain amount of pleasure available in enforcing Sandaime’s new decrees – don’t you think Genma?”

Genma snickered. “I’m just waiting for Uchiha Fugaku-sama to activate his sharingan in the Village. It’s going to happen sooner or later.”

Inoichi’s grin was obvious in his voice as he replied. “I’m betting there’ll be a couple of Hyuuga following him around for precisely that eventuality.”

Genma laughed. “If the Aburame don’t beat them to it. They were… a little upset at some of the Uchiha clan proposals at the last council meeting.” There was the click of something – senbon against teeth? and then a grin. “You look like you want to ask some questions you don’t particularly want me hearing, so I’m going to go stand over by that wall and examine the graffiti so carefully that I’m not going to hear anything you say. That cool?”

Inoichi snorted. “Thanks Genma.” He waited a few moments, before speaking again. “So why were you talking to Shisui-san, Kenshin?”

“He thought I had something to do with the new laws,” Sasuke deadpanned.

“Did you?”

“Perhaps,” he admitted, not sure why he was bothering to give an answer.

“Huh,” Inoichi said. And then again. “Huh. I hadn’t really noticed that you looked like an Uchiha.”

“Is this what you wanted to ask me?” Sasuke said, not particularly interested in going over that topic.

“Hm? Oh, yes – I was going to ask you- you said you were a combat specialist? Ninjutsu in particular?”

Sasuke grunted in agreement.

“What would you require in return for you sharing some of the jutsus you know? Nothing that could be considered family jutsus, naturally,” he clarified hurriedly, “But anything you might have picked up that you don’t mind passing on.”

“Is this the appropriate time?”

“No better,” Inoichi grinned. “And c’mon – it’s a bunch of low-level ninja on the run. Worst it’ll do is cause the Uchiha some embarrassment because they weren’t policing as well as they claimed to be.”

Sasuke hummed. “I believe Sandaime is planning on hiring me as a teacher for higher-level ninjas to pass on jutsus,” he said. “As a friend, I should tell you that private lessons come at the cost of getting me really hammered.”

“That unhappy?” Inoichi asked, amused.

“I’d really like to be drunk right now,” Sasuke confessed, and Inoichi laughed.

“I know the feeling. I think the Academy is planning on taking the kids out on weekend survival training – I’ll bring over some sake and we can see about negotiating.”

-----

Sasuke sighed – it was absolutely impossible to get anywhere with the village in panicked lockdown from the earlier explosion. He’d given up on approaching the Hokage any time soon, and instead had made his way to the nearest park he could – not that he’d been too certain where that was, given that Shisui’s transportation jutsu had completely thrown off his internal direction sensor.

“Kenshin!” Shisui called, and Sasuke groaned desperately.

“Don’t you have better things to do with your time?” he asked. “Ensure village security, like a good little ninja?”

“I think that’s the most emotion I’ve ever seen you show,” Shisui said with some surprise. “And no, I’ve been kicked off active duty again. I didn’t tell you that I’d been injured, did I?”

“Would I have cared?” Sasuke asked, his mouth set in a straight line. Orochimaru would have killed him for the lack of discipline he was showing.

“Probably not,” Shisui said. “Anyway, we were discussing how you were lying, before we were so rudely interrupted.”

Sasuke gave up. Shisui had somehow managed to exceed that little brat Ryuu in sheer annoyance levels.

“See, way I reckon it,” Shisui continued, emboldened by the lack of rebuttal, “Sandaime would never have let you stay in the Village if he wasn't sure of your loyalties – let alone let you near Yon- the Uzumaki kid. And there's no way you can be sure of the loyalties of a wandering-nin, because they're a bunch of treacherous bastards at the best of times, so he must've known you in some other way. And that whole confrontation thing with Sandaime?” Sasuke listened to him with a faint air of bewilderment, as Shisui got rapidly more excited, gesticulating as conclusions came to him. “That was faked. Completely faked. I mean, obviously so. Seriously, what are the chances of having an Uchiha ANBU on duty in Sandaime's office at the same time as some apparently random unknown shinobi who apparently used to have the sharingan comes in for an interview?” Shisui kept on talking, a note of dawning realisation in his voice. “And all the restrictions on the sharingan. He's probably been waiting for ages to put those in place. There's no way he could have come up with all of the specifics, made all of the personnel available for some random decree he came up with overnight. He just needed an excuse to initiate it – and then you come along, conveniently blinded so no one can actually tell whether you had the sharingan or not but appearance-wise close enough to an Uchiha that you might be one of the clan, pulling out the spiel of bullshit on how the sharingan messes people up-”

“Yes,” Sasuke deadpanned. “That's it. This is all a huge conspiracy against the Uchiha clan. You found us out.”

There was a searching pause, and Sasuke heard Shisui take a half-step forward, heard the faint scrape of flesh against – teeth? Was he biting his lip?

“A- deterioration of emotional control, you said,” Shisui muttered, the words sounding like they had been dragged out of him. “You said you killed- Haru, was it? A lover?”

Sasuke swallowed, not expecting the sudden change of topic. Haru he'd told them, but suddenly he wanted to confess – not some unknown Haru, but Naruto. Not a lover, he wanted to say. Closer than a lover, more than a lover. Every time I tried to push him away, he'd always come back; bullheaded, determined to believe in me when no one else did. He'd forgive me anything, even when I didn't deserve to be forgiven, but the sharingan – it made everything seem so clear, so logical in my mind. It- fixates your mind on what you want, and suddenly everything else is irrelevant, and Naruto- fuck it, I just want him back. This Naruto; he's fine, he helps me repent, he makes me feel like I'm doing something worthwhile with my life, like I've got something to live for, but he's not my Naruto. The words hovered on his tongue, and-

“Not a lover,” he said, pretending to himself that his voice was steady – and it was; no one but a well-trained shinobi would hear the faint quiver. “A friend.”

“Was he related to the Uzumaki kid?” Shisui said, a tinge of sympathy in his voice that had Sasuke wanting to bristle indignantly.

“Why would you think that?” he asked after a few moments, making sure he was as composed as possible. He knew it wouldn’t work too well – Shisui had seen too much in the bits of emotion he had displayed – but maybe he could let Shisui come up with a convincing story that wouldn’t require Sasuke’s confirmation one way or another.

“A lot of people felt they owed Yondaime. Some of them even let it carry on over to his legacy – you know, making sure rumours don’t get out of control, and the like. My parents- they might not have been the most successful of shinobi and they never activated their sharingan, but that just meant they were more loyal to Yondaime than to the clan, and they wouldn’t let anything happen to the kid after Yondaime gave his life for Konoha.”

“Is there a reason you’re spilling your life story out to me?” Sasuke inquired blandly, not sure whether to feel intrigued or disapproving. Shisui could be trying to weave some intricate lie, but there was something in his voice – in the slightly agitated flickers of chakra – that told Sasuke this was true. What kind of idiot started talking about these sort of secrets to someone he barely knew?

Shisui huffed a brief laugh. “You really can be a bastard, can’t you? Maybe I’m hoping for some reciprocation eventually. What I was trying to get at though is that even though they felt they owed Yondaime everything, and even though they’d stop people from outright harming the kid, they’d never have taken him in. They’d never have done half of what you’re doing for him. And if this Haru felt half as strongly as you do, then-“ Shisui paused, as if trying to seek out the right words, the right phrases for what he was trying to say. “Look, if he was a wandering-nin, either he was Yondaime’s bastard brother and he was trying to live up to his brother or relative or whatever the hell Yondaime was to him which isn’t possible because then he would’ve belonged in Konoha, or it’s not Yondaime he’s related to and he doesn’t feel he owes Yondaime anything, because it’s the Uzumaki kid he’s related to and he was just using Yondaime as an excuse. Because there’s no way that a wandering-nin could ever feel that indebted to the kage of a shinobi nation. He’d’ve been signed up for Konoha or something-“

Sasuke tried not to frown as he slowly sorted through the convoluted reasoning. “Why couldn’t he have belonged to Konoha?”

“What?” Shisui asked, startled.

“You said if he was a wandering-nin that felt that kind of debt to Konoha, he would have been adopted into the ranks. What makes you think he wasn’t?”

“Well, he would have taken the kid in, wouldn’t he?” Shisui said, and Sasuke sighed.

“Haven’t you already accused me of being some sort of deep undercover agent? What makes you think Haru wasn’t?”

“So you’re admitting it,” Shisui said, sounding satisfied.

“What?” Sasuke was almost completely lost.

“You’re admitting you belong to the village. “

“Was this all some convoluted way of getting me to say I belonged to Root or something?” Sasuke demanded incredulously.

“And how would you know about Root if you didn’t have the classification?” Shisui continued smugly.

“Uchiha-san-“

“Shisui,” he corrected. “I’m not accusing you of belonging to Root, naturally – although the knowledge you have of its existence is interesting and further confirmation of my suspicions – because Root doesn’t quite deal in the same missions as you seem to be carrying out. I do think I know which operation you’ve been working on, but I won’t ask you to confirm it. I understand that you’ll have to keep classified information quiet. “

Sasuke decided not to say anything.

“Returning to my original question though – was Haru related to Uzumaki Naruto?”

Sasuke was thoroughly frustrated by this point – if all the Uchiha clan had been like Shisui, he could suddenly empathise with Itachi’s desire to kill them. “I don’t know,” he said curtly. “We didn’t talk about our relatives.”

“But they looked alike.”

Sasuke stilled. “I’m not sure if it’s occurred to you Uchiha-san-“

“Shisui,” he was corrected again. “You seem intelligent enough to remember my name, even if you do insist on not using it-”

“I’m blind,” he said, cutting Shisui off.

“I had noticed,” Shisui said.

“How would I then know what Naruto looks like?” Sasuke said with forced patience.

“The way he acts then,” Shisui dismissed. “You get a peculiar look on your face when the Uzumaki boy acts in a certain fashion – reminding you of him?”

Sasuke opened his mouth, and then closed it again. “Have you been stalking me?” he asked.

“Hardly relevant,” Shisui said. “If you’d please stop avoiding the question-“

“Kenshin-sensei!”

There was barely a moment’s notice before a fast-moving babble hit him, Ino clinging to one of his legs.

“There was this guy, and he, liked, touched Naruto, and he was really weird, and ‘tou-san said he was a civilian and an escaped criminal but he moved like a ninja and he used this totally awesome jutsu, and do you know what it was?”

Sasuke felt his finger twitch in involuntary response as he deciphered the childish babble. “Ino-chan?” he questioned after a moment.

“Yes sensei?” she chirped.

“Aren’t you supposed to be in the Academy?”

“Me an’ Naruto bunked way earlier – that’s how the guy found Naruto, which was way weird, but it woulda been weirder if he had to break into the Academy to do his weirdo ‘you are the blessy save-yer’ thing-“

“Blessed savior?”

“I totally said that sensei! Anyway, it was so weird, right Naruto?”

“Yeah,” Naruto agreed. “He made my chakra feel strange. And then he just disappeared!”

“Yeah, and then there were two others and they ran away – prob’ly ‘cause they knew me ‘n Naruto would’ve owned them ‘cause we’re awesome like that.”

“I’m sure,” Sasuke said, his palms itching with the need to make sure that Naruto was okay – that whatever had been done to his chakra did him no harm. “Come on. If you come home and let me check you over to make sure there was no harm done I’ll ignore the fact that you were bunking off.”

“C’n we have ramen?” Naruto asked solemnly.

“If there’s any in the house – and if you then escort me to the Hokage’s Tower.”

There was a long moment of consideration, then a quick whispered conversation (“then we have a real excuse to give to Iruka-sensei!”). “Deal,” Ino said confidently. “Can we go now?”

“Kenshin-“ Shisui said, and Sasuke turned his head.

“Later.”

There was a soft grumble of discontent, but no further complaint, so Sasuke assumed he agreed. Turning back to the children, he managed a small smile. “Lead the way,” he said, and Naruto grabbed his hand, dragging him along.

The return of Team Nineteen!

2009-03-18T23:24:49Z

91. Iruka, you are no longer allowed anywhere near Uchiha Shisui.

92. We don’t care if he’s stalking you. It’s probably your fault somehow.

93. You are not entitled to grief leave because your fish died, Ibiki.

94. Or your dog.

95. Systematically killing your way through a variety of animals and then trying to claim they were pets and close to your heart will not make us change our minds.

96. You do not own anyone’s soul. Konoha does not own anyone’s soul. Souls are not collectable items.

97. ...You are not a death god either, Kotetsu.

98. Team Nineteen is banned from purchasing any Bleach merchandise, ever.

98. Team Nineteen is banned from purchasing any manga that may cause them to get Ideas.

100. Team Nineteen is banned from purchasing, borrowing, stealing or otherwise obtaining any fiction.

101. Konoha is not a soulless enterprise bent on inhibiting creativity in order to create mindless automatons to rule the world. And if we were, we’d appreciate you not revealing our plans to enemy ninja in the middle of the chuunin exams.

102. You’re making us lose clients, you bastards.

103. Okay, seriously Iruka. What the hell did you do to the Mizukage?

104. You are not allowed to join any ninja conspiracies that are not loyal to Konoha, Izumo.

105. This includes the Sunagakure Communists.

106. We don’t care if you’re a founding member.

107. Strangely enough, we don’t think ‘Yellow Flash’ fan merchandise will sell well in Iwa. You’re not allowed to try it.

108. Ibiki. No. Just- no.

109. Plastering naked photos of Uchiha Mikoto across the ANBU notice board will not endear you to the Uchiha Clan. Please cease.

110. On close observation, we have noted that Team Nineteen has collectively submitted 29 requests for days off in order to attend the funerals of their grandparents this year alone. How stupid do you think we are?

111. The unofficial genin test does not involve Anko. Nor does it involve dogs, nakedness or alcohol.

112. There is no unofficial genin test.

113. Ibiki, your jounin vest should not be neon orange and pink, however many bets you have lost.

114. There are no missing-nin hiding in your apartment.

115. On the one-off occasion when there is a missing-nin hiding in your apartment, the appropriate way to inform your superiors does not start with “Hey, you’ll never guess who was hiding in my apartment last night.”

116. Tsunade is not secretly Orochimaru in disguise and you are not of a sufficient rank to authorise a strip-search. We’re not paying your hospital bills.

117. Don’t ever pretend to be a psychiatrist again Iruka. Ever.

118. While we empathise with your desire to be free of your genin, Ibiki, you are not entitled to auction them off to foreign nations.

119. We don’t want to know where you have a tattoo Kotetsu. We would also like to inform you that the Hokage’s secretary is a fully trained ANBU and at last count has sent in twenty four request forms for your termination.

120. None of you are entitled to maternity leave.

imepic @ 2009-03-17T22:55:00

2009-03-17T23:07:56Z

3.5 thousand words on Two Steps Back!

I'm... about halfway there! Maybe even 60%!

Except it's all talking. How distressing.

Hm

2009-02-26T23:21:14Z

Um. Is it wrong that I suddenly have to fight the temptation to write an Harry Potter/Magnificent 7 fic?

- Along with other plot bunnies. I need to work on, y'know, actually completing a fic for once in my life.

Maybe I should stick to oneshots.

Chipmunks!

2009-02-17T00:00:15Z

I'm fairly sure this should win points for awesome.

Ethics (or, I don't even understand what I'm writing)

2009-01-29T08:43:58Z

The most commonly used definition for utility is ‘happiness’, in which utilitarianism aims to maximise happiness for a minimum of unhappiness. Apart from the natural ethical questions that are raised – for what extent of happiness is it acceptable to make others unhappy? Can unhappiness be measured on the same sort of scale as happiness? – Mackie objects to the term happiness itself. Mackie argues that happiness does not necessarily equate to ‘good’, but rather that it is considered good because it is desireable. Mill’s belief that happiness is good because it is the only thing that is desired - all desires either result in happiness or produce it as a byproduct – result in the word happiness being stripped of its meaning; it is no longer a distinctive state of mind or being as it is simply the result of desire, and, being defined only as the result of desire it ceases to be an intrinsic good, so cannot be desired for its own values.

um. So I've not slept for 48 hours. Is it obvious?